Sirenita to fall asleep. Walk, rock, lower, crap. Start over. Walk, rock, wander the house, pat her back, sing her songs… Once she fell asleep, she was out for the night (with the exception of her mostly asleep midnight snacks.) I had what I considered a “good routine” for the morning at the time – she would eat at about 8am, but otherwise sleep straight through till 10am. This enabled me to get stuff done.At about 8 weeks, Sirenita decided she no longer wanted to nap. She would only sleep in my arms during the day. She wouldn’t last more than 20 minutes asleep anywhere but in my arms. I could tell she was tired. She just couldn’t stay asleep, for some reason. I was frustrated, to say the least. Every 4th day or so she would sleep the entire day and wake up only to eat. Go figure. I researched, I talked to friends, family, her pediatrician (who gave me the depressing advice “Some babies just catnap like that”) and finally made some changes. Within 3 days we were able to get her to sleep within half an hour of our starting time. Within a week, we were on a working nap time schedule, with a bedtime and all. So… What did I do?
1)Baby KISS Principle
Remember this from my previous post? Keep it sleepy, stupid. I had been told that babies need to see the sun! Open the curtains, get their circadian rhythm in order, blah, blah, blah. Somewhere around 2 months, babies start to become increasingly aware of their surroundings. They notice the way the light dances through the leaves and casts shadows on the wall. They notice the contrast of the ceiling fan against the ceiling, the black and white stripes made by the grate over the heat vents. With so many amazing things to look at, they don’t really want to sleep, they want to take it all in. After all, there is so much more to look at than there was in the womb!
If I were to tell you that you can take a nap at 2:30 on a week day, you’d be thrilled, right? And when I lead you to a fully lit room (to lay on a hard cot with no blankets or pillow, by the way) you may or may not be able to sleep. Now that baby is aware their surroundings, they may or may not be able to sleep either. They don’t know how to go to sleep like an adult does, so when the first sleep cycle ends at 20 minutes or so (babies have shorter sleep cycles than adults) baby wakes up and doesn’t feel like going back to sleep, even though she needs it. The solution is to close the blinds, close the curtains. Make it dim. It doesn’t need to be pitch black, it just needs to have a nice sleepy gloom to it.
2) Observation
After Christmas, I started tracking everything. Nap times, diaper changes, feedings. I realized that when I was trying to put Sirenita down for a nap she wasn’t actually sleepy half the time. This led to an angry, frustrated baby who rebelled by refusing to sleep during the day if she could at all help it. (If babies can go on nursing strikes, which Sirenita has done several times, why not nap strikes?)
I had read that when she starts to yawn, put her down for a nap. It worked wonders for a few weeks. Then boom! At two months, I found myself with an angry, awake yawning baby. As I observed Sirenita I found that she began to rub her eyes about half an hour after yawning, and then within 10 minutes of that got cranky. The eye-rubbing stage was still too early to put her down, but crankiness was my sign that it was time. When I observed her awake time from first 'get me up' cry to crankiness, I realized she could only stay awake and be happy for two hours at a time. After two hours, she morphed into an angry screamer.
A word of caution about observation. My first error was in thinking that because for a few weeks Sirenita was sleepy at the yawning stage, that she would continue to be sleepy at that state. You have to learn your child, but be aware that they will change. Their nap time needs will change. Since I realized this, Sirenita’s naps have shortened by half an hour, but the transition was fluid and didn’t cause doom in our home. You have to keep observing, and realize that there will be changes in how long your child stays awake, and the signs that they’re getting sleepy. Don't assume that because there are exactly two hours of good wakeful time now that there will always be - or even that there will be later in the day.
3) Bed is for sleeping
A friend of mine mentioned to me that she only puts her child in bed to sleep. I hadn’t been leaving Sirenita in her bed for play time, but I did between diaper changes, or to run to the bathroom, grab something from the other room, etc. Sirenita's idea of bed was not “the place I sleep.” It was “the place mommy suddenly dumps me for five minutes when we had been having such a good time playing together.”
I was given a ton of blankets and quilts for Sirenita. I thought I had more than I’d ever need. They are now my best friend. I keep one in each part of the house, ready to unfold and put on the floor. Sirenita plays on them when she is awake. She spends more time rolling around on a blanket on the floor than anywhere else. I put her somewhere where I can keep an eye on her, and make sure that there is nothing close enough for her to grab or knock over. Once I started leaving her on the floor, her hatred for her bed waned. Sometimes as we get closer to nap time, she will actually grab a favorite toy, cuddle it by her face and go to sleep on the floor. She no longer feels the need to rebel against sleep.
3)Nap/sleep routine
Ok… I hated hearing this from the people I asked. I thought I had tried a nap time routine, and it didn't work. I figured I'd have to wait a little and then let her cry it out. Here’s the deal. When it comes to nap time routines, the grown up version of the “KISS” principle has to meet the baby version. Keep it simple, keep it sleepy.
I had tried several times to implement a nap time routine. I failed each time. It didn’t work. Why? Because I made it way too complicated and set myself up for failure. I had read the recommendations, a song, a snuggle, a book…. And I tried to do it all. Once I realize that I made my routine impossible, I changed it around. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do read to Sirenita every day. We usually do it while we roll around on the floor, though. I don’t need her to learn reading is sleepy, I want her to think it’s exciting. So every day I lay on my back on the floor beside her, or sit in a chair with her on my lap and read a book to her. But it’s not part of our bedtime routine because when she is tired it is pointless to read to her!
Our bedtime routine consists of things we need to do. When I get her ready for a nap, the first thing I do is turn on the white noise. We only use this noise while she is asleep, so that signals that its time to relax. If it’s a particularly sunny day I’ll also half shut the blinds at this point. Then I feed her. A lot of times she falls asleep while she is eating because she is already tired and knows what is coming. If she doesn’t go to sleep, that’s ok too. Once she’s done, I put a sleep sack on her. (I used to swaddle her, but she is too active now.) I take her to the windows, and as I close the curtains I tell her it’s time for a nap. Then I sing a short song (Bella Notte from Lady and the Tramp is my favorite), I give her a kiss, tell her I love her, and put her in bed. Sometimes she looks at me, turns her head, and goes to sleep immediately. Sometimes she’ll cry a little. I quietly walk out and leave her there if she does. I tell myself to give her a chance to go to sleep, and if she starts screaming I’ll go get her and we’ll try later. We’ve never gotten to that point, because after a minute or two of crying she settles herself down and goes to sleep. It’s rare for her to cry, but it does happen. For the most part, this is a no-tears method.
At night we do the same thing. Her bedtime routine is initiated by a bath at the same time every night. Once she is in her PJs, we turn on the white noise and follow the same routine. Within about 3 days Sirenita was used to her routine, and it became successively easier to get her to sleep. I will warn you that cuddling changes once you have a bedtime routine. Sometimes I just want to cuddle my sleeping baby. Usually my sleepy baby is waiting for me to put her into bed so she can go to sleep. In the beginning, I tried cuddling her to sleep a few times, and she cried till I put her in bed. *Sigh* So independent at 4 months! As we get closer to 5 months, however, she is developing her own personality and cuddles in her own way when she wants to. I'll spare you a detailed description of her adorable cuddlyness, and just assure you that there are still cuddles to come.
4) Set a schedule
Once you’ve observed your child enough to know how long they stay awake, and hopefully how long they typically sleep, set a schedule. We’ve all been told “Don’t wake a sleeping baby.” I think that was one of my biggest errors. I was letting Sirenita sleep till 10am, then sleep all day if she wanted. Once I knew how long she needed to be awake, I was able to get her to sleep when she was ready. That made it easy to figure out how long she needed to sleep, since she would typically sleep the same amount of time. From there, it was a matter of figuring out when to get her up in the morning. As much as I enjoy a cup of coffee in the morning, I realized that there was no good schedule that allowed Sirenita to sleep till 10. Instead, I wake her up at 8 every morning. That sets the stage for our whole day. Just like adults get “programmed” to wake or get tired at the same time daily, babies will too. The key to keeping the schedule isn’t so much as knowing when nap time begins as knowing when it needs to end. I typically Sirenita gets up at 8am, sleeps 10:30-1pm, 3-5 and goes to bed at 7:30 – but the key is not to let her oversleep. It’s ok if it happens occasionally, but I try to follow the wake up schedule as much as possible to keep her on it. On of the best things that happens with a schedule is that she usually doesn't cry when going to bed or waking up. She may lay there and squeal for a while, but she doesn't often cry.
After just a few weeks, Sirenita was so used to her schedule that even if we were out she would (and still does) fall asleep at nap time, and all because I woke her up at strategic times. I kind of worked backwards here, but it works. With a good nap schedule, even if baby doesn’t get to bed “on time,” or misses all their naps and goes to bed late a day or two a week, it won’t “mess them up.” More likely, if you’re consistent baby will take it upon themselves to nap at the appropriate times regardless of location.
These are kind of a freebies, but I have found that Sirenita is happier if I wake her up right. Typically I hear her start squealing within five minutes of the end of nap time. If she doesn’t, and she is still asleep I have found that if I go wake her by standing beside her bed, calling her name, touching her, etc, she wakes up making the saddest face ever and cries the first few minutes. I have a “wake up” routine too, because it helps her wake up on her own instead of cruel mommy waking her up.
I walk in, open the curtains so the light comes in, or if it’s particularly gloomy, I turn the light on, and I shut off the white noise. That’s it. Usually that’s enough to make her start stretching and waking up on her own. If not, I’ll rattle around the room for a few minutes. Open and shut drawers, walk around and do my own little things (Quietly! No need to scare them awake!), and just the additional sounds help wake her up. Once she has stretched, and rolled around and opened her eyes on her own, I go to her bed and start talking to her. I usually get a smile at that point and she is ready to get up.
Last comments on schedule… If Sirenita wakes during her nap, I try to leave her down even if she cries. I find that she typically wakes up about half way through, cries for a minute or two, and then settles back to sleep even better. If I get her up at that halfway point, I’m cheating her out of the best part of the nap. It’s hard sometimes, but I listen for the intensity of the cry. I think we probably all learn our baby’s cries. Sirenita has a cry, and then a scream. If she is crying, I leave her down. She’ll go back to sleep within a few minutes. If it escalates to a scream, the nap is definitely over. She usually doesn’t cry or scream at the end of her nap at all. I think she realizes that usually mommy comes in just as she is waking up.
5) Consistency
Above all… Consistency is key. More for you than for baby. Make your routine something you do anyway, and do it in the same order. Keep an eye on the clock. It’s hard to bring yourself to wake a sleeping baby, but they will be happier if you do! We all know that a happy baby makes for happy family.
There you have it, my two cents on sleep training. That’s how we did it. And that being said, it is now 12:59, and I hear Sirenita starting to wake up in the bedroom. I hope this is helpful to someone, because it’s a wonderful thing to have a nap time schedule and not fight to get baby to sleep. We were able to do scheduled naps by 3 months, and have a strong enough routine that we haven't been terribly affected by the "4 month regression." Good luck!
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