Time for me

One of the hardest things for me to do is find time for me. I dream of sitting down to do something creative, or sip a cup of coffee and read. I hardly ever do. It's an interesting phenomenon, really. I used to blame it on work. Back in the day, when I first got married I had so much extra time I didn't know what to do with it. I would move all the furniture in the house twice a week, and clean under it. Move everything in the kitchen, and wipe down shelves. I washed floors on my hands and knees so I could scrape paint off the ceramic tile. When I was done, I'd bathe the dog, cut her hair and nails, and then hop in the shower myself. After that, lunch, and it was maybe 12 o'clock.  I would spend my time reading, painting, playing guitar, dreaming of doing something else creative or browsing the web for new recipes.
When we moved to the states, I suddenly didn't seem to have that time anymore. Sure, I was working. I blamed it on that. 40 hours a week, plus cooking and keeping the dog groomed and keeping the house clean, laundry done, etc, etc.. Then we bought a house, so now I have a garden that while I love gardening, somewhere around July it gets overwhelming and I long for frost to kill it all so I can start over with a fresh palette.
Now I have a three month old daughter, and I try to blame "never having time for me" on her. Cook, clean, laundry, take care of the partially neglected dog. Really, I don't know that my little Sirenita (Mermaid) is the cause of my never having time for myself. I think it is probably in my head.
I clean the entire house top to bottom twice a week. You will never open what you believe to be the butter, only to find a fuzzy green world growing new life inside it in my fridge. I wipe down the wood work, the doors, wash the floors, dust... But is it all necessary?
My to-do list grows longer instead of shorter, and I occasionally put "play guitar" or "paint" on it.  When I get to the point where I could do it, something in me sees a smudged insect on the window, and off I go! Windows, closets... Always cleaning.
Can anyone relate to this? Why is it so difficult to have downtime? It feels like I always have to be "doing something." I think this is a slight OCD trait that is in my head, and needs to be conquered. Anyone else have this problem? How do you deal with it?

Tuxedo Bear Fudge, the classy way to eat gummy bears

Once upon a time, I asked the Accountant what kind of fudge I should make for Christmas.

 I come from an Italian family with the glorious tradition of Christmas Cookies. If you don't know what that means, well... Christmas Cookies are a huge part of our celebration. Christmas without cookies is like Christmas without a tree. They're a staple. We make lots of them, we give them out all over the place, we take them everywhere we go all month in December, and we still have extras well into the following year thanks to freezers. Most Italians make basically the same bunch of cookies with some variations. I, unfortunately, have to be the black sheep and do my own thing. I have a whole different cookie list, which doesn't sound like a bad thing - unless you're warping tradition.

 That being said, my husband is from Mexico and does not come from the tradition of Christmas Cookies. This was not a particularly important point to him. While I poured over fudge recipes desperately trying to decide which of these decadent treats would be essential to my holiday tray, my husband, still deep in his video game world, casually answers “Gummy Bear.”
Gummy Bear?! Really?! This is serious stuff here! I need to know what kind of fudge to make, and you answer Gummy Bear?!
 Hm… Actually….
“What kind of a base? Dark chocolate?”
“White Chocolate.”
Hmm… White chocolate gummy bear fudge? No go, I’m not a fan of white chocolate. White Chocolate is The Accountant's favorite. The Dark chocolate vs. white chocolate battle is epic in our household.
“What if I do a dark chocolate white chocolate swirl?”
“Sounds good.”
Thus Tuxedo Bear fudge was born!

That first year, I tried to swirl it. It was good. People raved over it. It was so good that it became a staple in my new traditional Christmas Cookie platter. It has evolved slowly over the years. Swirl didn’t quite cut it, so the following year I did layers. Even better. Then someone suggested that instead of trying to hack into a cube of fudge with gummy bears embedded in it, I should use mini muffin papers and do individual servings. Miraculous! Just the right size and no decapitated, mutilated gummy bears!

 We continue our tradition of gummy bear fudge each year.  I’ve had to make 3 separate batches this year because I keep running out and there is still a week till Christmas. I may need to make more.
So here is my Christmas gift to you; Delicious Tuxedo Bear Fudge!

 Let’s get started by gathering ingredients.  I recommend a good brand name chocolate chip. Don’t go for the cheap store brand stuff. It’ll be ok, but it will lack the decadence of a brand name. Mainly, it’ll have that cheap chocolate plastic-y taste.

I also have a secret ingredient. While you can use any cream in your fudge, this Mexican cream adds richness to the fudge that will set it apart.

Prepare your pan before you start. I use a mini muffin tin. Usually, I put mini muffin papers in it, adding to the festiveness of the fudge and making clean up so much easier. You can make your fudge in a regular pan and cut it, but be forewarned that the bears will make it very difficult to cut and you will likely destroy the fudge in the process. It still tastes good, but it doesn’t look half as pretty. This time around, I forgot that I had run out of muffin papers and I needed fudge in a hurry for an event. I was able to get it out of the pan without destroying it, but it looks so much prettier in muffin cup papers. It also makes for a much, much easier clean up, and who wouldn't love that? I also like to tilt my pan, causing the fudge to set at a slant.

Mmmm... Dark chocolate...

Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble... Oops, I mean butter, cream, and sweet and condensed milk.

 Starting with the dark chocolate*, pour half a bag of dark chocolate chips into a small sauce pan. Add 1/2 teaspoon of butter, and 1/2 teaspoon of cream, and 1/2 can of sweet and condensed milk. 

Turn the heat to medium. Stir until the chips are melted and all the ingredients incorporated into smooth fudge. This should only take about 5 minutes, so stay close! You don’t have to stir constantly, but frequent stirring is necessary to keep it from burning on the bottom.
 *You can start with the white chocolate if you desire, but I find it to be runnier so it sets up a little smoother. It gives a prettier finish to the fudge than the thick, glumpy dark chocolate fudge will.

Spoon the fudge into your muffin tins. You will want to put between half a teaspoon to a whole teaspoon into each slot, depending on the size of your tin. The goal is to fill each one half way. Again, I prefer to do this at an angle, so that a little of the dark chocolate peeks out of the finished chocolate.

Let the dark chocolate fudge set up for a few minutes. Before the fudge sets up you can use a spatula to help distribute more evenly or smooth out the individual cups without destroying it. You can pop it into the freezer to help solidify it while you clean up the pan for the next step.  My freezer isn't exactly pretty with a box of frozen chicken and veggie dog food, and a turkey jammed in there, but you get the idea.

Now repeat the steps with the white chocolate chips. 

While the dark chocolate fudge begins to set, you can go ahead and make the white chocolate fudge. Place half a bag of white chocolate chips into a small sauce pan, along with 1/2 a tablespoon of butter, 1/2 a tablespoon of cream, and the remaining 1/2 can of sweet and condensed milk. Place on medium heat. Again, the melting process should only take about five minutes, so make sure you stir frequently!

 You can get the dark chocolate fudge out of the freezer and get your bears ready in between stirrings. Our local health food/farm market store sells these amazing bears in bulk at a great price. They’re the best we have ever had, they come in 12 flavors. (The accountant is a gummy bear connoisseur.) I’m not sure if there is anything healthy about them, but man are they good! You can use whatever kind of bears you prefer.

 Once the chips are melted and the ingredients incorporated the fudge will be smooth and shiny. Now you’re ready to add it to the dark chocolate.

 You can lay the tray flat this time, so the white chocolate fudge flows over the dark chocolate, and creates a smooth surface. Spoon in a little over half a tablespoon of white chocolate on top of the dark chocolate. Mm… Doesn’t it look nice? You’re almost done! You can use a spatula to smooth or redistribute fudge before it sets up if you need to. White chocolate fudge doesn’t set quite as fast as the dark chocolate fudge does.

 Wait till the fudge begins to set up before putting on the bears or your fudge will look more like your bears forgot to prepare for the ice age and will sink into to fudge and go extinct! The White chocolate fudge should hug the bears, not swallow them. The fudge should begin to solidify within roughly five minutes, so don't go away too long or your bears won't stick at all.

I find two bears to be just about the right ratio for an individual serving of this fudge. It is very rich already; too many bears would be overkill! Once you’ve finished coupling the bears up on your fudge, admire your work. Isn’t it gorgeous? What a perfect marriage of white chocolate, dark chocolate and gummy bears! There is something in it for everyone. Now that your fudge has been bear-ed, you can pop the tray into the freezer for a few hours. It will be easier to remove the fudge while frozen. I also store mine in the freezer.

 It will keep for at least a month in the freezer, but most likely it will be devoured long before then; individual servings are perfect for sneaking and way too tempting! Now it’s time to clean the kitchen (unless you are a super messy cook that should only take a few minutes), pop a few of those extra bears in your mouth, and get the baby up from her nap!

Tuxedo Bear Fudge (Notice the bears in the purple papered one in the back are going extinct? I put them on too soon!)

Tuxedo Bear Fudge:   The classy way to eat gummy bears   Ingredients: Half bag dark chocolate chips Half bag white chocolate chips 1 can sweet and condensed milk (divided) 1 Tablespoon cream (divided) 1 Tablespoon butter (divided) Gummy Bears Prepare a mini muffin tin with mini muffin papers. Prop one end of tin up so tin is at an angle. Place dark chocolate chips, ½ can of sweet and condensed milk, ½ tablespoon of cream and ½ tablespoon of butter in a small sauce pan over medium heat. Stir frequently for about 5 minutes, until all ingredients are melted and well incorporated. Mixture will be glossy. Spoon into muffin tin filling each cup half way. Place in freezer or leave on counter to cool and firm up. Place white chocolate chips, remaining ½ can of sweet and condensed milk, ½ tablespoon of cream and ½ tablespoon of butter in a small sauce pan over medium heat. Stir frequently for about 5 minutes, until all ingredients are melted and well incorporated. Remove muffin tin with dark chocolate from freezer, and place on a level surface. Spoon white chocolate fudge into the tins, filling the remaining half. Let fudge sit for about 5 minutes, till fudge begins to firm. Place two gummy bears on each fudge cup. Place in freezer for 1-2 hours until firm.  Store in an airtight container in fridge. Can be frozen for up to a month. Makes about 2 dozen.